I sat there in that room and bargained with God. I'll take him even if he's not perfect...please let me have him...please let him live. And then just a few short days later you were gone.
"Sometimes the answer is no." That's what somebody told me.
Now I live my life wondering what else I could have offered for your life. What did I have to bargain with that would have been enough to change the "no" to a "yes?"
I'm so sorry little one. I'm sorry it wasn't enough. I'm sorry I failed you.
I'm just so sorry.
thinking about you too / Holley hugs to your family.
love you.
I love you sweet baby / Mommy Time passes. Days that were once so important just slip by unnoticed by everyone but me. I remember them. I remember you. And I miss you more than I can say. I love you sweet baby boy.
Two years / Mommy Do you know what today is?
No, we're not "over it" yet, I want to scream.
He should be talking and toddling, not buried in a cemetery.
We remember every day...but especially on this day.
We miss our little half-baked boy and mourn the loss of who he was...and who he could have been.
So much happens and I still miss you / Mommy You have a new baby brother, little one. He is here and healthy...something you never had a chance to be. I'm so sorry. He has your nose. It makes me sad that that's all I know of you. I hope you are in peace wherever you are. And I hope you know how much we love you.
Big brother / Mommy It is so strange to think that you are a big brother, when you never got the chance to be a little brother. I often have to remind myself that you were even here and not just in my dreams.
I love you sweet little one.
Thinking of you / Mommy I can't help but think of you every time this baby kicks inside of me. He is already as big as you were when you left my heart broken in a million pieces. How is it possible that you were even here? In this same place within me? How is it possible that you left us without warning? That you were simply gone?
I so wish we had had the opportunity to know you better...to love you more.
One year ago today / Mommy One year ago today you were gone. Gone from this life. Gone from my body. Just gone. I miss you more than I can explain to anyone.
You will always be a part of my heart...my sweet baby boy. I love you to the moon and back.
Merry Christmas / Mommy Today I cried for you. I cried in a way I haven't cried in a long time since you left. I miss you so much my sweet little Beast. I love you.
Thanksgiving/ Mommy On your grave marker it says, "We dreamed of you and your life and all that you would be." I dreamed of your birthday. I dreamed of our first Thanksgiving and our first Christmas together.
This was not how I dreamed it. This is a nightmare from which I will never wake up.
I am thankful for the time we had together. But it was not enough.
I miss you my little one. I miss you so terribly much that I ache with it.
Three months / Mommy This is something I have been putting off writing each month because I have so much to say that my fingers cannot keep up with my thoughts. But today I feel like I should write this...get it out into the universe...possibly to reach you wherever you are.
Today marks three months since you left my body. It seems like a lifetime ago that you were snuggled safely in my belly, wiggling and tapping to let me know you were with me.
Today marks 33 weeks...where we might have been if you hadn't left. But instead I am left here to mark the time alone, checking off days until a due date that is meaningless now.
How do I wrap you into my life now? We had such a brief time together. It feels like it was only a moment. But that moment was more precious to me than any other time I could have imagined. You brought hope that lit up our world for those 20 weeks. We smiled again...and planned...things we thought we had forgotten how to do. I can't thank you enough for that joy...that love.
You know, there are times when I am enjoying myself and I think how very different things might have been if your brother or you had lived. And in those moments, I feel guilty that I am enjoying MY reality...because it comes only in your absence. I am left to dream of two alternate realities...both with promises so sweet I can almost taste them...both only in my imagination.
I suppose we always wish for that which we can not have. That is the nature of being human. But my wish, sweet boy, is not for me...it is for you...for all the things you never got to do in this world...for who you never got to be. I truly hope that there is happiness surrounding you wherever you are. Because this unending sadness is too much to bear and I would never wish this upon you, my darling son. I love you.
~Thinking Of You~ / Melissa Carlie Adams Grandma...
The Wings Of An Angel So Pure And So White, The Wings Of An Angel Holding You Tight, The Wings Of An Angel Caressing Your Skin,
The Wings Of An Angel Keeping The Love Within. These Wings From An Angel Are My Gift To You,
These Wings From An Angel Will Help See You Through.
Love and (((hugs))) From,
~Melissa's Grandma~
One month / Mommy How can it only be one month since you left us? How has one long month gone by already? Time moves so slow and so fast at the same time while we're missing you.
Did you feel our love? Did you know the plans we had for you? Why did you have to leave?
I hope you and your big brother are taking good care of one another, wherever you are.
We love you more than I can say in words, sweet baby boy.
I'm sorry to hear for your loss has been said enough..... / Travis Grabowski (n/a)
My name is Travis, I came across this site searching for someone I fell in love with 10 years ago. Same last name, Colgan. I decided to come over here and check it out and search for the needle in a haystack, in a sense. What I found brought me to tears.
I am a father of 4, I am not biologically the father of one. In my eyes she is my daughter. I was there for her first steps, first words, and so forth. I can not bear the thought of losing ANY of my babies (though 1/2 aren't babies anymore). I'm sorry has been said too many times. In a moment like this, what more is there to say?? All I can say, and please do not take this wrong, please. *I have a knack of saying the wrong thing or it coming out wrong, but intending it in a different way so please bear with me.
I'm sorry is over used and is the "fail safe" when something like this happens, what else is there to say? I honestly can't answer that, however, what I can say is something my great-grandmother used to say to me.
"No one is ever gone, as long as there is someone there to remember them." In a physical sense they may not be there. You may not physically be able to kiss their boo-boos, see their face, hold them close and rock them to sleep. I know, and you know, even though you do not notice. At times when you're walking outside and this warm embrace just comes over you and feels like the warm embrace of a loved one sending a sense of ease come over you, that is your babies hugging and holding you. When you're standing at the check out line in a super market and you suddenly realize you were rocking back and forth the way you would to your baby even if she/he wasn't crying just reassuring them you're there for them no matter what. They do the same thing to you now, the question I ask you is do you notice it ?
Like I tell my babies, "no matter how far away I go, no matter if your mother and I get a divorce, what she says or anyone says, I will ALWAYS love you and you will ALWAYS be in my heart even after I pass on. When my time comes, and you feel or notice the few things as I mention, that is me missing you, that is me holding you. The rain that falls on what's supposed to be a happy occassion is my tears falling from heaven becuase I am not there for you, but I know I am in your heart"
I am honestly thinking about deleting this. Never shared this with anyone else before, kinda weird if ya really knew me too. You'd be like "WTF??? Travis is THAT YOU???"
I hope these words ease the pain even in the slightest way or help you to cope. Live for tomorrow, not for today or the past. Sit alone one night or day close your eyes and remember. They're still there, they really are. Take care.
High Flight / Mommy
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there, I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew - And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod The high untrespassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
Pilot Officer John Gillespie Magee, Jr. RCAF Killed December 11, 1941 over England
beautiful angelsxx / Wendy Bonella (visitor) hi Catherine ,i came across your site by chance it was your surname that caught my eye my maiden name is Colgan. I am so so sorry for your losses,its such a tragedy to lose one baby but to lose both your boys.Your boys will always be by your side loving and kissing his mummy and daddy.I too have lost my beautiful son Darren in december 05,he was 5 months old to meningitis.
Sleep tight little ones,keep a watchful eye over mummy and daddy,they miss you so much.
I hope your and my little man are playing together
Brothers and Friends for Ever / Katie (Friend of Angels )
"Christopher Robin?," whispered Pooh. "Yes, Pooh Bear?" "I'll never not remember you...ever."
May you know that you children travel the next realm together, finding strength in each other. Know that the journey is not over for them, for it is just a different path they follow, till you all meet again someday. Boys, enjoy the cloud jumping and rainbow surfing, the moon swing and raindrop rides. Hope to meet you both on the otherside.
There is no greater loss than that of a child. My most deepest sympathies... / LuAnn (Visitor)
There are no words....I guess the only thing we at these sites can offer is our prayers and support at a time like this. My grandbaby Johnna was born sleeping on 1/29/06 and we are still reeling from the whole thing. My heartfelt thoughts go out to you & your family. We share your pain, anguish & lonliness. God bless... johnna-rusk.memory-of.com
I'm So Sorry / Melinda Mommy Of Caleigh I just wanna say how truely sorry I am for both of your loses. I lost my little girl on February 28, 2006 and that was so hard for me. I can't even imagine what you are going through. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to talk I'll be here. God Bless you and your family. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you. Melinda
Words cannot express my empathy... / Abigail Mom2angels Landon &. Carson Stopped by to light a candle for your boys, but had too much to say. Our family has also had two separate losses, except the second time was with a set of twins. All together we have buried three sons. There is no possible way to describe the pain, the second time around. I had thought that after the first tragedy, a second would not be possible. We were wrong. Tragedy struck again, but this time with both of our twin boys. I have agonized greatly over the last few months over many of the choices we have/had made. I can tell you that I have found solace in talking to other parents who have endured similar situations. Please reach to other families, as they will be a source of comfort to you. Do not hesitate to contact me through our sons' website Landon - Carson Peterson. I would be more than happy to share our baby's memories.
Friends through unfortunate circumstances, Abigail Peterson
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