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In memory of...
Our beautiful baby boy
Travis Leo Colgan
Born still May 8, 2006
4:30am
1lb, 9ozs--11 inches
20 weeks
Who went to heaven to join his big brother
Alex Gerard Colgan
Born still May 11, 2005
11:28pm
9lbs, 1oz--20 inches
35 weeks
Just Those Few Weeks
For those few weeks--
I had you to myself
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks--
I came to know you
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks--
When I lost you.
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks--
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks--
And no "normal" person would cry all night
over a tiny, unfinshed baby,
or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
Poem Copyright 1984 by Susan Erling Martinez
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Click here to see Travis Colgan's Family Tree |
 Tributes and Condolences |
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Yes and No / Catherine Colgan (Mommy)
I sat there in that room and bargained with God. I'll take him even if he's not perfect...please let me have him...please let him live. And then just a few short days later you were gone.
"Sometimes the answer is no." That's what somebody...
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I love you sweet baby / Mommy
Time passes. Days that were once so important just slip by unnoticed by everyone but me. I remember them. I remember you. And I miss you more than I can say. I love you sweet baby boy.
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Two years / Mommy
Do you know what today is?
No, we're not "over it" yet, I want to scream.
He should be talking and toddling, not buried in a cemetery.
We remember every day...but especially on this day.
We miss ...
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So much happens and I still miss you / Mommy
You have a new baby brother, little one. He is here and healthy...something you never had a chance to be. I'm so sorry. He has your nose. It makes me sad that that's all I know of you. I hope you are in peace wherever you are. And I hope you know how...
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Big brother / Mommy
It is so strange to think that you are a big brother, when you never got the chance to be a little brother. I often have to remind myself that you were even here and not just in my dreams.
I love you sweet little one.
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| His legacy |
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My sweet baby boy
He didn't have any clothes that would fit him until he was full term. We called him The Beast for 19 weeks and five days...He didn't even have a name. We didn't know he was a boy until three days earlier.
But on the day of his death and birth, his daddy bought him a soft blue blankie with barns and cows on it, and we chose a name for him from our list...Travis Leo...I hope he likes them both.
I woke up at about 4:30am Sunday and just knew something wasn't right. We called the doctor at 6:15am after I finally convinced myself that I wasn't just remembering last year. Steve stayed with Sam while I went in to the hospital, fully hoping that they would tell me I was crazy and send me home...after hearing that sweet heartbeat sound on the doppler. But by 9am, when the nurse said, "We don't know anything for sure," I replied with, "Please don't do that, we both know for sure."
Induction started Sunday morning at 11:30am. Travis Leo was stillborn at 4:30am Monday, May 8, 2006. He weighed 1lb, 9ozs and was 11 inches long. He had his brothers' nose, ten fingers, ten toes, and appeared physically perfect...except for the dead part.
I held him briefly before passing out from the medication....then again when I awoke later in the morning. I called my parents and they came to see us and take pictures. This time I was prepared. I guess experience pays off in this, at least.
I asked for all sorts of testing, to cover infections, chromosomal abnormalities and physical defects. We just had the ultrasound on Wednesday and I was/am healthy, so that provides some clues that it wasn't an infection like with Alex, but I wanted to be sure.
I felt it was inevitable. I couldn't believe that we would be so lucky as to bring another living baby home with us...THIS baby...our Travis. Maybe I cursed us all. Maybe I'm being punished for not believing in God anymore. I really don't care about the who or what or why this happened to us. It happened...and our lives will forever be changed.
I looked at our Sam yesterday and saw two ghost children dancing around with him. I thought to myself how Alex should be almost a year old. Then I thought how, in his absence, Travis should be an exciting expectation in our lives. There is nothing that will fix this.
If you ever have a moment, please send a smile out into the universe for our Alex and the baby boy who died without a real name...our Travis.
We loved them both when they were here with us and we will love them forever. |
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| Travis's Photo Album |
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